Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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