He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
