How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was confusing and full of hummus
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
