Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
