I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
