It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
