also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
