I think I won the penis lottery.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
