Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
