chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
