One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
