Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
They have beer where we have blood.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
