At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.