Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
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just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
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Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.