I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor