Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
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Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.