What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
nutella sex= disaster
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
