I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
