No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
