my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
