I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
