Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
