just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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