sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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