My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
