Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
