I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
