That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
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It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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