He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
