now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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