I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
