for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
