yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
