so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
