Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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