I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
