I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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