we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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