Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
