lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
