no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
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I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
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now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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