i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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