The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
