I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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