i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
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as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
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Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
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