Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think my vagina is haunted
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
