Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
