I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
