We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
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They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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