Buhtt sex?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
