if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
