not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
