jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
