Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
