just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!