mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.