I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste