Walk of Shame. In a state park.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month