No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.