When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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