i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
