At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
