who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
