Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
