that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
