Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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