well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
