id be glad to
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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