Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
