I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
