dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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