You work out of a Hotel?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
