Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Did I show you my penis last night?
There r osticjed everywhere
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
