If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
