no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
