Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
