Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
