Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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