That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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