Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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