If i come over, it means nothing
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
