this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize