About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I FOUND THE LEGS
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
