census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
