He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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