my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How does it feel to date your dad?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
